So I didn't write yesterday...

...but I did weigh myself and I am down to 162 woo hoo! A slow week but a losing only couple lbs is better then nothin and way better then that # going up.  I'm working on trying new foods, slowly but surely i'm getting out of my easy 'norm' dinners.  I am determined to see this through to my goal, no giving up, I'm making progress and I can't wait to fit those old clothes!!!

Tuesday is the new Monday...

So I have switched my weigh-in day to Tuesdays since I pretty much started over last week.  So this morning I was at a shocking 164.4, I think much of the loss was water weight but still, talk about motivation!!  My kick off is going much better this time then my original start of this diet, I am happy and motivated!!  Gotta keep the momentum going cause I know there are going to be days that I don't lose any weight and I have to keep going.  I am trying new things and that is definitely going to help the diet boredom I'm sure I'll encounter!!!  Bring on my start-over week 2:)

Feels like starting over....

Ok so I haven't written anything for like 3 weeks, had a minor set back but now back on track.  I began having stomach pains for about 2 weeks and couldn't pin point what it was.  I think I figured it out but who knows, first I thought a bug, then something I ate, then vitamins, and finally protein drinks.  I think it was the drinks so I went off of them til I could buy something different, now I'm feeling good again and hopefully don't have the same reaction.  Sadly, I had not lost any weight, actually gained, because it got so screwed up, so as of Tuesday 5/31, I was 174.  I have begun to lose again so I am excited to be getting back on track, hopefully by my birthday I will be able to take the skinny jeans out of the closet!!!

Starting week 3...

And here it is...Monday again...or shall I say weighday and I am happy to say that I am now at 168.8 woohoo!  My jeans are getting looser and my tops are looking better!  I did eat something yesterday that I shouldn't have but it was a special Mothers day sandwich and Krystan tried so hard to make something within my diet limitations, she did well:)  So here I am at the beginning of week 3 and I'm ready for it, hope to lose another 5 this week!

Monday....

...the day I have to record my weight...and so....I am now at 174.0.  I can't complain cause its 5lbs less then I was a week ago...though I admit, I had hoped it would've been more.  I did quite well over the weekend, the fam ate lunch out when we went to Costco on Saturday and I waited til we got home:)  And I was able to eat mostly the same dinner with them over the weekend, just minus a thing or 2:)  I am still confident in doing this and I think I might learn a thing or two, some cooking skills as well as eating....Bring on week 2....

Bring it on...

the weekend I mean...my first diet weekend...it'll be interesting that's for sure.  To my surprise, my energy has been quite high without the aide of coffee, lets see if it lasts:)  The fam went out to dinner tonight without me because I wouldn't have been able to eat anything on the menu, I refuse to cheat, no matter how many people tell me that its 'ok' to have a cheat day, not at this point not gonna happen.  So I stayed behind and made my dinner:)  Lets see what the weekend has in store for me....

Day 4....

Oh the food I make for the kiddos smells sssoooo good, its hard not to taste it!  I've been good though, I haven't cheated at all...not even once did I taste, try, dapple, or dip.  Not even when Todd was sitting on the couch last night eating a bowl of candy...butthead.  I even sorted the kids' candy last night and I didn't eat a thing, woo hoo...normally I so would have!!  I actually look forward to the food I'm eating now, its good, granted I probably don't eat as much as I would've before, but that's a good thing.  Learn self control, practice what you preach...I always tell my girls, 'just because its good doesn't mean you have to eat it all, eat slowly, you can always save it for later or we'll make it again' I really should listen to myself sometimes...

I've stopped drinking coffee...wait...I think Hell just froze over...I realized how much sugar I was taking in daily drinking it all day long and started thinking whoops!  Not much different from when I quit drinking soda, guess my love of the drink blinded me:)  I went down to one coffee a day an drank water the rest of the day and to my amazement I had more energy, well duh, no sugar crash.  Now as of 4 days ago I am no longer drinking coffee, just water...my energy is slowly going back up after getting used to the shock of no caffeine;)  Even though I love food and love coffee, too much of something never turns out positve, I'm doing this for myself, so I can feel good in my own body, and I am feeling confident that I can reach my goal.

My new attempt at a change...

My weight...something I have struggled with my whole life...from a not-thin kid, to a chubby teenager, to an overweight adult...ugh
I tried diets all my life, even when I was a kid but I never did get it right...I never learned how I should eat and I never wanted to exercise either:P  I can't blame it on having children because I was overweight before them and I always went back to my pre-pregnancy overweight weight.  I never viewed myself as being fat, but I wasn't confident in my weight either and I guess I just didn't have the drive to do anything about it, didn't want to count calories and go to a gym 5 days a week. 
It wasn't until I worked at Costco that I figured out that I really could lose weight, I was active, very active, packing and pushing carts...I loved it and dropped 40 lbs in the process.  I felt amazing and confident!!  Then I decided to leave Costco when I figured out how to be the one raising my children and supporting them at the same time.  I left in July 2007 and I did pretty well with my weight there for a while, then I just stopped paying attention.  So here it is almost 4 years later, and I've put all that weight back on without really realizing it, yeah I knew I had gained weight because, obviously, my little jeans weren't fitting anymore but I didn't think I had gained that much back. wth, what did I let happen!!!  That's what I get for getting out the scale, a major wake up shove, do something!!  So now I am...I started a diet on Monday(4/25) and I am very excited about it.  I weighed myself Mon morning and was at 179.4, bought a digital scale so I couldn't fudge my weight:)  Though I can't resist weighing myself daily, I'll only be counting what I weigh weekly.  I have fluctuated a couple times which is frustrating and motivating at the same time, its keeping me going to see if I can get that number smaller!

making changes...easy to say, not so easy to do...

I made a major change at the beginning of the year...quitting smoking...that was a long time coming, it took years of 'thinking' about quitting and I tried many times but kept going back to my comfortable crutch.  This time was different, I had been putting it off for so long and kept telling myself, 'this month I'll do it' and the same old routine would surface over and over.  Even though I felt like crap daily, I would stop and buy more without even thinking about it only to regret it soon after...kept telling myself 'I bought them I might as well smoke em and after this pack, I'm done, no more' I said that so many times that I no longer believed my own words.  I felt hopeless that I would never be able to quit, especially after quitting so many times just to fall back into it a month or two later.  I didn't want to smoke, I didn't even feel like I needed to smoke, it was all about routine, something I'd done for so long, how was I going to adjust without it?
Motivation...the harassment of my children and I realized that I was embarrassed of my habit.  It got to the point where I only smoked at home, I never carried them with me because I didn't want people to see me out in public smoking.  So with all of the hours of being out of the house and then add in sleeping, I was only smoking about 3-4 hours a day, what was the point!  My children telling me 'no more smokes mom, you're going to die' and crying about it...that's what drove me, my girls crying over a gross habit and their understanding of the long term consequences.
Quitting...I didn't set a date, I didn't make a plan, I made the decision that I was going to do it, and when I felt ready it would just happen.  If I were to set a date then that day would just be hanging over me, stressing me out, and I know that day would have just come and gone...without quitting. 
New Years weekend 2011...I didn't go buy more, I just didn't feel like going to the store and no it was not a new years resolution, atleast not a conscious one:) I just felt done.  Jan. 2nd was the last day I smoked and I haven't looked back, I haven't even wanted to, I have no desire to smoke anymore.  I don't go to corner stores anymore, because I refuse to fall back into that habit.  I was having pain in my chest daily, mostly a dull constant ache that made me feel just miserable, that pain is no longer daily but it is present.  Like a reminder of how I'd feel everyday if I started up again.  I know the pains will go away eventually, I hope, I keep thinking I only did this to myself, I caused the pains by starting a habit that took a long time to break.  Even with Todd smoking around me daily, I don't want to do it, I can't stand the smell anymore, and when he smokes near me my chest begins to hurt...never going back...on May 3rd it'll be 4 months since I quit, I think the longest yet without being pregnant...that's about 100 packs(2000 cigs) I haven't bought and almost $1000 I haven't spent...