I made a major change at the beginning of the year...quitting smoking...that was a long time coming, it took years of 'thinking' about quitting and I tried many times but kept going back to my comfortable crutch. This time was different, I had been putting it off for so long and kept telling myself, 'this month I'll do it' and the same old routine would surface over and over. Even though I felt like crap daily, I would stop and buy more without even thinking about it only to regret it soon after...kept telling myself 'I bought them I might as well smoke em and after this pack, I'm done, no more' I said that so many times that I no longer believed my own words. I felt hopeless that I would never be able to quit, especially after quitting so many times just to fall back into it a month or two later. I didn't want to smoke, I didn't even feel like I needed to smoke, it was all about routine, something I'd done for so long, how was I going to adjust without it?
Motivation...the harassment of my children and I realized that I was embarrassed of my habit. It got to the point where I only smoked at home, I never carried them with me because I didn't want people to see me out in public smoking. So with all of the hours of being out of the house and then add in sleeping, I was only smoking about 3-4 hours a day, what was the point! My children telling me 'no more smokes mom, you're going to die' and crying about it...that's what drove me, my girls crying over a gross habit and their understanding of the long term consequences.
Quitting...I didn't set a date, I didn't make a plan, I made the decision that I was going to do it, and when I felt ready it would just happen. If I were to set a date then that day would just be hanging over me, stressing me out, and I know that day would have just come and gone...without quitting.
New Years weekend 2011...I didn't go buy more, I just didn't feel like going to the store and no it was not a new years resolution, atleast not a conscious one:) I just felt done. Jan. 2nd was the last day I smoked and I haven't looked back, I haven't even wanted to, I have no desire to smoke anymore. I don't go to corner stores anymore, because I refuse to fall back into that habit. I was having pain in my chest daily, mostly a dull constant ache that made me feel just miserable, that pain is no longer daily but it is present. Like a reminder of how I'd feel everyday if I started up again. I know the pains will go away eventually, I hope, I keep thinking I only did this to myself, I caused the pains by starting a habit that took a long time to break. Even with Todd smoking around me daily, I don't want to do it, I can't stand the smell anymore, and when he smokes near me my chest begins to hurt...never going back...on May 3rd it'll be 4 months since I quit, I think the longest yet without being pregnant...that's about 100 packs(2000 cigs) I haven't bought and almost $1000 I haven't spent...
No comments:
Post a Comment